Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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