dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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