Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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