found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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