Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
