He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
