Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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