You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
