Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
