physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sarcasm needs its own font
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
