If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
