I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
