'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
