Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
