great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
