tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
