That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
