Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
