Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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