i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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