i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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