so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
