Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
