I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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