I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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