im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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