just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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