He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
