he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
