She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
