is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
