I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
