Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
