I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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