What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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