I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
