is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
