you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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