well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
