Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
