the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
