Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize