haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize