So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
