the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
