I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can I color on your dick again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
