Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
