I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
