Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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