I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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