i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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