drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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