New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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