You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
