I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
