I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
