then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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