Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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