my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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