he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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