I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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