Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
