someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
