i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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