Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
