All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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