Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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