If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
