Got a toothbrush?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
