dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
