I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
