my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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